Piggy

lols..fuck.. u know wad is tat ?

2006-04-18T23:35:00.000+08:00

i so sick when i am writing this..ppls call me to write my blog but i jus cant find a topic to write on..i dun wanna write my life story on it so much bcoz it jus lame and wuliao . nowadays i been working.. nv rily go out..haha.. last sat went out wif wilfred after i work . IT 2AM IN THE MORNING ! HE IS WAITING FOR ME TO FINISH MY WORK AT CITYHALL SIA! nowadays the moment i change my number.. seldom got those a.s.t ppls come and find me le.. finally i got a peaceful life.. hahas . i not a ah beng .. jus a normal human working .. and go out whenever i am free.. i dun wanna be ambitious anymore..it jus make me more xinku ba..nowadays i always cant find the joy i used to have last time.. how i wish i can anyhow jio ger..but i kinda old for it..haha..see small lil ger also treat them like small child..maybe i rily grown up le ? lol..or maybe i already finsh the path of my youth..not sure wif it..maybe thing will change if i stop working tat much.. i always love being in holidae..every one-month holidae always got special thing for me.. but this june holidae..i dunno...maybe nth will happen.. or nth special..haha.

thinking abt my life.. i am wondering wad i wanna achieve right now..i left wif a few dreams..

this sat is headin for pulau ubin ~ lols . finally an outdoor activity . my group is complete . so long le . left wif 2 more person den the grp will be even better . but too bad i cant find great fren now... the quality they nid is money , skill , talking , and must be a lil intelligent . and must be popular among ger . lol . i found 4 of it . but it seem no one have the combine ability of everything.. how i wish they can think wher to go rather den i am the one who thinking . i must complete the tour of singapore b4 my birthday . and after my birthday ... i also dunno wad to do le . lols.

i wanna stand at the summit .. no matter wad.. tat my will of life.

2006-04-07T03:08:00.000+08:00

SO LONG NV BLOG LE SIA~!~~!!!

SO MANY FUCKING THING HAPPEN~!!! OMG~~!~!!

well. let start by.. the sundae.last sundae. i got a frenny bball match ma . den i go loh . at woodlands cresent park .

well. the big team start the 1st match . so i went in be the forward . as usual . i am always the one who attract attention . why ? i'm tall and tat it. but THERE SOMEONE EVEN TALLER DEN ME IN MY TEAM OK! HE IS 196CM!~ OMG!~ but he suck man . damn suck and when i scold him agua he take it~ fucker~ he a bitch man~ who get fucked in his asshole~

the game go by .. 1st quarter they shoot a 3 point in . they so happy sia~ but so ? i am the best shooter in my team and i jus return three 3-points to them .. and they are like "wtf" (imagine their mouth open big big~" lol . i score 30++ points wif the score ending 87-39 . and there go the second game . ah black play in the second game . 1st quarter he miss a shot under the basket..see wad i wrote. .it under the BASKET!!! OMG !! HE MISSED TAT KIND OF SHOT SIA~ saying abt this . the day b4 the match he din went to redhill training bcoz i told him not to and i will give him a kind of traing that can make he improve in one day . he believe in my shit ~
so i make him shoot freaking amount of 3-points. and i tell him "Ur mind should have nth but the phase' i must do it'!" so using that kind of shit he shoot so many 3 points.

but~~~ in that match he missed that kind of shot .. i kinda sad and i wanna scold him liao.. jus b4 i can scold him..he did a shot.. under the basket.. HE SCORE.. and after tat..he score again and another .. soon he get 8 points.. juz when he get tat 8 point.. i told his "heavenly-redhill-rival" sth..."u cant win ah black today.. due to my traing.. he bcum more faster and better..today is the day he can perform ultimately..and u will lose for sure . he will evolve while u fallen." (of coz it not tat great talking.. it jus bullshit when i type that..all i jus say is..tian soon.u suck and u will lose to ah black today for sure u cheebye~"
after a while.. ah black get a shot .. he stand on a 3-point line .. headin for a shot..someone shouted "hey u fuck~ DUN SHOOT!" ... well..i understand why he shouted that .. bcoz he dun believe in black since he kinda lousy.. but he cant hear..he is kinda deaf anyway.. he shoot and he score! OMG~ my coach and all the ppls was like HOLY SHIT~ i clapped my hands..that was a gd shot.. and shoot..everyone was relying on him ... no one actually notice..but he is the star of tat match..he control the rythem of the game . and he get the 1st top score in his life for a match.

so wad happen after that match is i kana beaten.ccb~ sam and jason all lock on to me to stop me from beating them.. lols..if i beat them..police will catch me..i dun wan..i wan police catch them~ so that it.

i nv work for a few days .. i kinda sick and tired of working already.. i already planned wad i wanna do man .. i wanna go for MENs' day which is eating and bowling and see ger day and drinking day . and i wanna go wild wild wet.. and i also wanna buy clothes.. many thing! lols. i already planned alot and some this sat i going to jurong east swmming oh~ fuck man . i got no six pack . cannot show off liao . so long no gf le..maybe i gotta find one ? lols .

on tuesdae.. i nv rily slp for the whole wif boon chun bcoz we were playing game..and abt 12pm we mit each other for lunch.. after lunch we went up to star factory.. we saw some one dancing on the parax2 n we were kinda shock. omg. it oni near 1 and there someone dancing . i cant believe . i dun rily care and we tok abt wad our activity later...and there a ger walk past we 2.. i was stun the moment i saw her .. and when boon chun turn ard and see who issit..he was shock.. it was huimin.. the ger i rilly like .. hahas.. but it in the past le la~~ although i still like .. but okok le la.. i was kinda down for the whole day and i nv went to work..

hai..tammy ar tammy...why u dun wanna make fren wif me.. hai.. why u so young .. and so rich..and so cute..make me like u so much.. but cant make fren..coz i look flirt ? why ppls dun wanna make fren wif me nowadays.. coz i sound flirt ? hai.. cant i be more sincere..FUC IT. dun wanna tok abt my job le..when i tok abt it i wanna die liao .fuck~

2006-03-28T03:26:00.000+08:00

hai . been working again recently . so happines i got a sat and sundae off man. fucking hell. today i go work i also so sian.. bo liao sia..keep on working and working..how i wish i can get a gf . fuck?!!!!!! do i look so ugly ? tell me why man . why i am so not-fated wif girl . and i am meant to be single always!? fuck fuck fuck. NI MAMA DAI!~

well. it not like i am not fated.. maybe all along i jus love this typical ah lian who always flirt wif me even though she is attact. lols.i love u so much oh~ but actually i dunno i like her anot. sometimes i do ..sometimes i jus feel she is burden . lols.

let talk abt sth today.. abt my work..
fucking ccb..~!

today i work .that fucking gay store manager say wanna teach me to recommend new stuff. this fucking gay always tok cock to me and call my full name out for fun. i dun wanna fuck him oni sia. fucking gay. u go suck ur pop cock la.stop using ur smelly mouth and tok to me!~fucking gay~

and when tat fucking gay leave the work place. i kinda more relax .. and there come some ang mo. oh man. i hate ang mo. especially those ppls who i cant understand their lauguage.
this fucking 'guan yu' ang mo ask me abt the fucking coffee whether it is corroded .. I WAS LIKE WTF ! corrode? u sure u use the right word!? and his wife..looking more normal ...hai..i tot she was toking abt the coffee but she is talking abt the new stuff in our store. jus imagine these 2 person toking 2 different thing and the essense in their word make it even more harder to comprehend. and my WTF-mindset is being wandering ard for 3 mins .. and finally i say.. " eh..i dunno wad toking u.." and i jus walk away..tio complain . KAN NI DE PEH BU LA! SI ANG MO~~ ni mama dai la~

so sad sia..now i am broke again..wilfred go out wif me on sat.we both bring some cash out. abt 100 each. and ...we spend 80 on clothes..i bought a pant and singlet and he block a "bloody valentine" button long sleeve shirt. quite nice de.. and we at nite also ton and we drink . lols. drink wif ah black and his small bro . chun. lols . enjoyment drink is the best ~~!!~!~~!~

and we tok abt sundae go out wif black and chun. so we went out.. lols~ we went sunplaza de arcade awhile..let ger see us..den go beach road see see..very sian sia..dunno why chun's fren always go tehre .. so boring.. den we all head to bugis..i saw this very nice button long sleeve shirt blue colour de very nice and it very long too.. lol.. so i bought it . bcoz i and tat owner of tat shop very gd fren ma.. i ask abt the chain he used to sell..a dice de.. his bro sold it to a japanese at 15 buck .. and tat bytch told me there oni 1 chain like this in singapore.. guess wad happen ? lols. his big bro say there another one .. and he sell it to me!! LOLS! at 12bucks!! omfg . i am so happi
!!!!

but black and chun say i waste money very fierce..lols..but i love all those thing alot ma..chun also mention the pant i wanna buy very nice..he wanna buy it but his bro owe him 20 bucks..make him hard to buy it. lol. they love my stuff!! i am so happy when ppls wanna buy the clothes i wear.. i felt i am able to catch attention as well. no wonder the fucking gay manager love me so much~fuck it .

2006-03-25T06:34:00.000+08:00

today i work sia.. imagine for 4 day continue i work at raffles city den fridae i work at orchard emerald. fucking hell. it so different when i came back to my old work place..i kinda too strict bcoz of tat fucking R.C store manager. he jus a bitch . but he isnt tat bad. kinda a nice gay i think?lols. he a cao cheebye~ but beside him.. i know another manage call Nesh. he a nice chap . he always scold the TTM(temporary training manager) "hey u fucking lan jiao~" lols! he kinda remind me the best manager i ever have . Ah Hwee~ hahas. they both a slacker and kinda have the same attitude .

today my store open until 2am.. abt 12plus in midnight.. 2 ang mo came in .. den they order so many cheeseburger ? is their ballS shrinking ? they nid so much cheese for it to be OMFG~? when i serve it to them they start asking me abt pubs. lols . boat quay. mohd sultan . tanjong pagar . alot right ? we told them alot of locals went to there and sometimes fight may occur and they reply "NNONONO~~ it okk~~ we love locals~ "

well..they dun love the locals. they love singapore cheebye. fucking cao ang mo . all they know is to make their cock big big and fuck and they take plane and fly dunno where again . no wonder they so big size. sia la~ even macdonald upsize also not enuff for their stomach . their cocks nid at least 4/5 of the meal nutrition.. afraid of fracture.. they nid cheese for calcium man~ fucking cao ang mo . i am racist here man~ bcoz of the talk wif those ang mo . ah hwee kinda get excited and tell me all the "adventures" he had. omg . he kinda hype up i think . maybe he nid some cheese.

yesdae i went to eat ba cuo mi alone at my hse nearby de kopitiam.. that uncle kinda frenny.. and i dunno wtf is he doing .. he cook.. and he dance.. and sing some hokkien song. I WAS LIKE WTF IS GOING ON!? mayb he wanna charge more ? for abt 50cents bcoz he did dance. hmm..i give 3 bucks exactly and his face shown me a "u cheebye" . kinda daze wif it . i eat and eat. dun care la.

u know wad my wish list are ?!

well.. maybe one day i got some money and i go to another country .. wif some frens along . we drink . and we call chick along .. dance and live in a hotel~ not bad ? utopia life man . ccb. but my fucking mum always wanna take money from me . i live so many yr liao..u know wad? my mum give me 7 bucks and she expect me to eat 3 meal wif that . i am forced to work..and haven get my pay..she wan another fucking fifty bucks from me . and now the passport thing she wan another fifty. i told her "why dun u kill me ? tat kinda best~? u give my bro 10 bucks and u buy him lunch and make dinner for him ~ u give me 7 bucks and call me dun come home anymore. wad i can say ? OMF WTF? "

u know guys are horny . they nid cheesy sometimes. i used to go to geylang wif one grp of frens..and we walk and walk .. some are 40 and some can be 120 . one time i walk walk and one person look at us..my fren turn ard .. they smile at each other.and my fren asked "HEY , How much ? "
'from that point on..i swear..and i curse..'
"fourty dollar~!" with a man voice..U UNDERSTAND!? MAN ! IT A AGUA~ ccb. and HE start saying thing like " handsome, i love u, u love me!~" and HE did some oral sex action to us . i wanna puke man. HE is as tall as me . i am 183 . and his muscle is quite ok man~ can be a hunk . why on earth my fren aim a agua ? wtf?

2006-03-25T06:03:00.000+08:00

maybe all along .... it fated... and it our path of life..

i used to be so negative ... quite a realist and i talk abt money all the time..but there one thing that make me super positive.. alpha and omega.

When ppls talk abt alpha and omega..i doubt alot of human beings rily understand what it mean.. it mean. an beginning.. and a end. a end lead to another beginning .. and so on. i cant rily count how many ex gf i have.. too many.. i flirt ? yeah~ i do~ .lols. which guy dun if they can ? often.. i asked myself why i stead wif this ger or that ger.. out of fun? maybe.. but actually.. everyone.. wanna find the one who can bring them no more loneliness.. a mr or miss right . i cant find it .. lols. i find it once..but i lose it also.. until now i still feel so empty and alone. Solitude is the word. frens can make u feel not alone..but they cant bring u the happiness and the joy of love.. it wad a BF/GF can bring to u. a real BGR. but too bad.. a true love can happen only when a cactus bloom.. it happen so seldom.. sometimes i wondering..is there rily true love.. when u love someone, that person dun love u..it jus bad u know ? but same.. some one love u and u dun care. lols. having so many relationship..i kinda sick and tired of it.. i still feeling alone.. but tat alone isnt tat bad..

i wanna tell alot of ppls..commit suicide for someone..is stupid..jumping off the building dun rely on courage..but.. hopelessness. i think alot of STUPID AND RETART MORON!~ love to say idiotic stuff. i kinda annoy wif that . seriously a tight slap wun work for them since they have a ass brain.

let get to the main topic for today. begin and end.. end to begin . it a cycle..
there a few fren of mine commit suicide b4.. they always think..a end is always a end.. it kinda negative isnt it ? they forget to think abt.. another beginning.. even though..i wanna have one more UBER relationship like i have wif shiyan...she the oni ger who stop the loneliness in me and give me so much joy and fun .. ONLY GER~ haha. but she the youngest among all my ex. holy shit~ , but i cant..i jus cant find the one i can love.. how to find another begin ? lols. maybe some waiting is necessary .

what abt flirting wif ger ? that kinda wad i am gd for i think. maybe that will be the oni way i can find the ger i can love.. i am not sure..but i wanna remb the feeling of loving a ger.. i somehow forget it..

bball life? i am tired of it.. looking at those young player..some improve and some dun.. and many of my fren dun improve at all. pathetic ? lols.no~~ they are retart in sport. lols. ah black ar black.. why u cant improve ur skill de ar ?

and i was wondering..does sweet word sound so attractive to a ger.. i jus mention i miss u and call them princess and they can so happy wif tat. i cant say a serious and sincere I LOVE U till even today... well. there one ger i did . lol . sincerely saying those mushy stuff sound harder den wad i expect when i was young.

what my aim now ? i not sure.. i wrote my blog 2 yr back.. when i look at my aim at the post i wrote.. i LAUGH! lols. i rily laugh so hard..it kinda humor me. maybe now is .. i wanna get back to sch life..be a normal man.. work and eat and slp. shit? lols.

i am still learning the ways of life. the humanity side. philoshpy ? lol s. i think so. today is sat . and it morning . i will wake up at abt 2pm and head to town for sure. it been nearly a week . i wanna relax myself .. lols . i start to love this world more i think .

it hurt...

2006-03-24T03:18:00.000+08:00

never do i realise .. i will start to write blog again..

let me say what i wan .. in my life.. there had been alot of up and down..i saw alot of things.. but truthfully .. i have nv thank my life given by my parent.. but now maybe..i will thank them.. being a healthy human..I saw alot of ppls .. the one leave me wif most impression is a guy call Boonchuan. all my frens call him ah black.. not sure why..he have talking and hearing disability..but he is positive.. he love bball..although he is not gd but he try very hard...but tat not wad i am toking..

Everyone .. as long as they live in this world.. they will suffer loneliness.. solitude is wad a person fear most.. when u lost a close fren..u will feel sad and hurt..but the moment loneliness strike u..it will be jus a hell.. and ah black..he is jus a loner.. his eyes tell me he is lonely .. but he continue to be strong.. for 18 yrs.. he go sch alone..come back alone..no frens.. ...

i notice him always .. since he have the same eye as me.. it felt so painful jus to look at him.... .. when we are frens.. he told me.. i am his 1st true fren..1st.. (sad*)u know wad tat mean..?

i am been working as a mos burger crew. Why ? it bcoz i am so proud and arrogant..i lost alot of thing bcoz of tat..BGR, frens, money.. so i wanna jus for one time.. put down my pride and work like a dog.. i felt hardship isnt tat bad..at least.. it not any worst den being alone..at least u get frens..

but by working... i saw many different life going into me.. but indeed..there one person truly hold a strong impression inside me..'Aunty Mary'.
jus like any other aunty, she work, she smile, she joke, hardworking, caring. but only until she told me.. only until she say everything.. my heart start to hurt as bad as i saw Boonchuan the 1st time...it like .. some knife is stabbing ur heart..

she always work 12hrs in mos burger..i nv asked why..she often do free labour..which is stupid to me..(smile*)

one day..she told me she have a headache and she kinda dizzy.. i told her why dun she go home? it better..u can rest.. i asked which side of her head is hurting..she told me it her back of the head.. WOW, it jus holy shit if u had a back headache as tat is consider omfg problem.. i asked her to have a surgery since normal healthy ppls wont have back headache.. she sign and smile back telling me.. "i am scare of dying i think".. her mood become so sad.. and with a sad smile she said
"i had a daughter.. she was sec1 this yr.. she have a head problem and i bring her to hospital and she have a surgery .. but she passed away bcoz of tat..i was so shocked and hurt..
i cried and cried..my husband passed away when she is jus new born baby.. i have no one to rely .. and now i am staying alone.. in a hse.. u know wad feel like when u r alone in the house..? it very weird..and when i got home..those tots will start to haunt me.."

i din know wad to say..before i can know everything .. my mind and heart start to hurt..i remb everything..every single thing tat make me feel so alone..'no frens'..'going to sch alone'..'when in the class no one care'..'mum scold u' .. 'dad scold u'.. 'my sister always wif her bf'.. 'and my brother was in NS'..i hate to be alone!

i start rmb ah black(boon chuan)..everything come into my mind.. i am like asking myself why i am in this fucking world ? at tat moment..i rily wanna say.."aunt mary..i understand.."but i know i dun understand AT ALL! my heart hurt alot even now..her daughter leave this world b4 her..her husband is gone..she is even more alone..den me..or ah black..

i rily cannot say anything..i had found my frens..important frens..but aunty mary can never..find a impt person anymore..solitude is a hell..and yet i cant help..wad a bitch i am..
aunty mary, her eyes told me..she is suffering..
it so scary to be alone.. what can i do to help her..WAD!? i will do anything.. it bcoz of wilfred and ah black i become what i am right now..but she dun nid a fren..she jus wan her daughter.. and this fucking god of all jus took it away . Having a gd heart make u have nth but sadness! So wad this world is abt destiny?

I love one of my gf alot..so much till i wanna die bcoz of her..i cut my wrist..i wanna make it bleed..i take panadol.. i told my frens..maybe death is awaiting me.. i love her so much.. until i realise everything is fine.. bcoz of.. ah black..and wilfred.. who helped me ? not my parent.. is my sister..i cried so hard tat my throat choke and my brain hurt..i called my sister.. i cry when i am toking to her .. the moment i am writing this..tears falls down...bcoz i know my sister know the lost of someone BCOZ HER BF DIE IN A ACCIDENT! when i saw my sister lying inside hospital..i dun rily care..i seem to forget alot of thing..like being alone..she is scare of being alone and wad i did is jus having fun outside.. she wanted me to be by her side but i din...i am so regret..when my sister is inside the hospital..her eyes told me she is alone..yet i din do anything for her...i am so hurt..i wanna say i am sorrie..when i break off wif my gf..she is the oni blood-related person who helped me to stand on the right path again..

every night after the break up day.. i cant slp.. for 2 weeks..i always called wilfred or ah black to accompany me.. go wilfred hse or black hse.. see ah black play game until i slp..sometimes call my sister acc me..i felt so alone.. and oni 3 of them knows..bcoz of them..i pick myself up again..

if i rily killed myself.. the saddest one is not me..but my mum..i saw the image of my mother inside aunty mary.. i dun wanna let my mum feel sad or alone..

sometimes..i always drink alot of alcohol thinggy.. when i drink..all my true thoughts is out..i always cry..lols..wilfred always cry too.. i love to drink..bcoz it can vent my feeling out..and i dun have to keep it inside..

maybe finish crying le..everything is better.. bcoz i know..i am not alone anymore..